Travel Time!!

I'm not the most savvy computer user. My husband calls me a technical nincompoop. He's very funny. As an author of a blog, you can see all kinds of interesting data about it. A blogger can see how many pageviews there have been and on which days, what countries the blog has been read in, what devices the blog is read on. Wow, I was shocked when I started clicking buttons on my "overview" page. This blog has been read almost 1000 times, in 14 different countries, on 4 continents. I hope that my blog encourages faith. I hope that it is an advocate for orphans. I hope to give the reader a real picture of what adoption is. It isn't always easy or fun. But, it's so rewarding and so worthwhile.

Boo (not sure the spelling) is the Mandarin word for "no". When we brought AJ home he liked that word. Of course, he was 2 years old. I think "no" is one of the first words 2 year olds say no matter what language they speak. I was desperate for AJ to love me. I wanted to be the perfect mother. I wanted him to know that he was chosen, named, loved by me. But, I also had to be the mom. I was finding it hard to know when to let him have his way and when to be mom. It's easy to overdo the candy, gift giving, spoiling. I wanted him to love me how I loved him. There were many times when he said, "I boo love you, Mama."  It about tore my heart out. He was learning that if I didn't do exactly what he wanted me to, he could hurt me with those words. The first few times I would cry. But, I decided that if he was going to know and trust me, I had to love him with the possibility he wouldn't love me back. AJ taught me how to love without conditions. He taught me that love is a choice. I started to respond by saying, "That's okay, I love you anyway." In the meantime, Aron would go off to work, come home and be the fun jungle gym parent, while I had the day to day raising of this little person. So, Aron and I decided that he would start doing some of the care giving tasks. AJ hated baths, screamed the whole time. Aron would bathe him. AJ didn't always like our foods. Aron would feed him. AJ was a typical toddler, he wanted his way. Aron increased his involvement with boundaries. After many months, AJ started to know what it was like to have two parents on the same page. He started to understand what family is. He started to love us. I still remember the first time AJ said, "I love you, Mama", the most beautiful words I've ever heard.  I hope to hear them from Jade some day. I know that it will take a long time. We are strangers. It will take many months to develop a relationship with our little girl. We will have to earn her trust. It will be hard for me not to completely smother her when we get to China. Should I hug her, kiss her (not big in China), laugh, cry? I think that once I see her, my response will come naturally. I think that instinct will take over. I envision kneeling down, smiling, crying, pressing my cheek to hers. I hope to pick her up, kiss her head, whisper her name.

Sweet Jade

It is hard to believe that I will be doing just that in 3 weeks.Yes, we have a "due" date. We are leaving the end of the month. God answered my prayers to travel in April. I know we are going to be exhausted. No way around it. Danielle dances the day after we get home. Jake graduates the day after that. Jared and Abigail fly in for graduation. We will be hosting a wedding reception for them the next weekend. I'm so utterly stressed out. I'm so completely happy. I'm going to need all the prayers you can say on my behalf. I'm going to need a massage. Our family is going to be in crazy, happy, stressful, joyful turmoil. Wow, I'm going to be a mom for the fifth time! What is better than that? Thank you, God, for my new daughter!

Fears and Faith

I haven't been sleeping at night. My brain runs on overdrive as soon as I shut my eyes. I ruminate on things I said that day, things I didn't say, work I should have done, how I spent my time, how the kids are doing, how can I help them grow and succeed. Lately, I've been bombarded with fears. mostly about Jade. I wonder if she'll like me, if she'll think I'm chubby, if I look old. I wonder, or perhaps worry, if I will be able to interpret her needs, if she'll like our house, if she will eat American food, where she should attend school. When I think about the flight over, I get nervous. My dad is a pilot (retired military chopper pilot and private pilot). He says that we are more likely to get in a car crash than a plane crash. In my logical brain, I know that is true. But, if I think too long about the tragic plane crashes lately, I can feel my heart race. I'm not afraid of flying, I've been in a 4 seater airplane with my dad since I was a little girl. I get spooked thinking about humans and our frailties, about mistakes and illnesses, about flying over the Pacific for hours and hours. Okay, I'm starting to freak myself out. I talk with Aron about it, and I love his solid faith and determination.  Aron believes in his heart that our steps are laid out and that they are placed before us by a God with a divine plan. Aron is good for me.

I've also been hoping that Jade received our package. We sent a photo album, clothes, a disposable camera (to take some pictures of her friends and nannies). We sent a stuffed toy sheep for two reasons, 1) it's the year of the sheep in China, and 2) we have a good shepherd, a God who pursues his lost sheep and brings them home. Jade is loved.

One day, my fears were so oppressive that I cried out to God to take them away. I asked him to please reaffirm to me that he is in control and that he can be trusted. I wonder if telling God what to do is not such a good idea. But, you know what? I think he actually loves reaffirming us. I think he loves to show us how much he cares. I think God smiles when we ask him for help. Doesn't that show him that we believe he can? Do you think that our daily trials, fears and hurts can strengthen our faith? How often do we cry to God when all is well?  I'm learning that God is continually saying "You do what you should do, and I'll do the rest." Is anything too difficult for him?

So, if you are in the middle of a life change, a divine plan, don't give up. Keep the faith. God will show you the path to take. He showed me the day I was scared that he knows what he's doing. He showed me in more ways than one. Money was donated to us by people we've never met. He brought to me a stranger, who cried when she saw Jade's picture ( I like to show her off). She hugged me and said that I was Jade's mama and that I was going to be just fine. How did she know I needed to hear that? He whispered in my heart that love is the greatest of these: faith, hope and love. That love will get me through. It won't always be easy. And, I'm sure I'll have many more sleepless nights. But, the God of the universe is there. He's always there.

We are still hoping for April travel. We did receive our Article 5. Anything can happen, but we are optimistic that we will travel in a few weeks. Please keep us in your prayers, and if you are awake at 3:00 a.m. feel free to call me!

Matching Opportunity purecharity.com/palmers-journey-to-jade

We have been the recipients of a blessing this week. We have been blessed by a family who wishes to remain anonymous.  This family will match donations to our pure charity fund up to $1,000. We were humbled and excited. Of course, I cried. It's a very generous donation. $1,000 dollars itself will pay for Jade's flight home. $2,000 is Jade's flight, passport, visa and court fees. It's a lot of money. It's a wonderful gift to us....to Jade.

If you have thought about giving to our adoption, now is the time to donate. Your money will be doubled. We need 50 people to donate $20. We thank you for blessing us. Thank you for helping us. We thank you for joining us on our journey to Jade. Wow! We are truly blessed!

                 Thank you!purecharity.com/palmers-journey-to-jade

Our "littles"

The "littles"



purecharity.com/palmers-journey-to-jade

AJ

Jade

Running to Jade

My father in law has 10 siblings. They are a crazy, fun, hillbilly bunch. When Ivan was about six years old he developed Perthes disease. It is a condition where the hip doesn't get proper blood flow and the hip bone "dies".  Ivan was sent to Mary Free Bed for almost two years. He spent his days in traction and other exercises to encourage regrowth of his left hip. Can you imagine being separated from your family for almost two years, only visiting once a week? He missed them terribly. At Mary Free Bed, Ivan was part of a large ward of boys, his second family. He has said that the boys would make up games and rough house as much as possible. I wonder how those nurses kept the peace in that ward. There was one nurse in particular who especially loved Ivan. A few years ago he found her and called to talk with her. It was a sweet reunion.

Ivan finally went home and resumed life with his family. His left leg is shorter than his right, but don't tell Ivan that. I keep thinking that he would benefit from a hip replacement but he won't do it. I think he's used to it after 70 years. Ivan must love a challenge. In high school Ivan's cross country team won the state title twice. Ivan was the state champ in the one mile, running it in 4:36. He ran the two mile in 10:10.

I write this because it has occurred to me that Jade will have something in common with her grandpa. She had surgery on both her feet last spring. We were able to ask her care givers how she handled the surgery. She did well. She experienced a lot of pain, but is on the mend. She is wearing braces on her feet/legs.

Jade is going to move slower than most. She will have a hard time walking, I don't know for how long. What I do know is that Jade will have family to encourage her. Her grandpa will know firsthand what it's like to walk "funny". While not having her grandpa's overcomer genes in her DNA, she will have his overcomer attitude and lifestyle to mimic. She will not be "different" to us. She will be Jade, our chosen daughter. I can't wait for her to meet her family. I can't wait to see her on the soccer field or dance floor. I can't wait to watch her chase AJ around. No matter how fast she is, or smooth her gate, she will run perfectly.

Dieting and Crying and Fundraising....Oh My!

Those of you who have flown know that seating on an airplane is not made for chubby people. Don't get me wrong, my husband and I are very healthy. Our physicals, lab work and screenings are all good. The only thing not "good" is the reading on the scale. My ninety pound doctor, who is the epitome of fitness and health, says to me, "Heather, you are overweight, but what can I say? You are as healthy as a horse." She is right. But, "healthy" people don't fit in airplane seats all that comfortably. So, I (and Aron too) am on a diet. I'm sure many of you will have helpful comments for me. I will read them, contemplate them, and then burn them...just kidding. I know how to lose weight. It's simple...eat less, move more. I got it. I just don't do it very well. But, now it's crunch time, and I don't mean the abdominal kind. I mean the eat only meat, nuts, veggies and fruits kind. No sugar. No flour. No rice. No pasta. No cakes. No cookies. No breads. No candy. Need I go on? I know the diet works. My power lifter son cuts weight using this diet. He loses about 10 pounds in 2 weeks. I hope to lose about 50 pounds in one month. I know, another cardinal rule of dieting is to set reasonable goals. Oh, why did I wait so long to start dieting?  I know why. I love food! So, in order to fit into an airplane seat better (and not scare my tiny new daughter) I will stick to this diet...Yes I will. But if it doesn't work, I will sit between Danielle and Aron on the plane. That way my cheeks will only touch those I love. Ah, problem solved.

Speaking of love, I seem to love everything and everyone lately. I cry over every sentimental word, every sappy commercial, every kind gesture, every sad memory. I tear up at super market grand openings for crying out loud...bad pun.  I cry the most thinking about how good God has been to me. How blessed we are to have family, jobs, a home and freedom. I am thankful for so much that I cry. I don't know if I'm having adoption hormones (similar to pregnancy hormones) or I'm just getting older. Maybe it's because as I travel life's journey, I'm learning what's important. At least, I hope I am. I hope that my tears are near the surface because I recognize more and more the little things, like my precious blind young friend touching his brother's hair in church, or  AJ's friend I see rubbing his head in the classroom last week, or the lady who pays for my drive through Diet Coke a few days ago. I tear up thinking about those of you who have offered to help us adopt Jade. I'm sincere when I say that Aron has been told by several friends and colleagues that they would love to join us in bringing our daughter home. So, we have decided to do some fundraising. We started an online donating account through a group called purecharity.com. The goal we have set will help toward travel expenses. The money donated will be disbursed directly to our agency and is tax deductible. Thank you for helping. I know that there are a lot of good causes out there. I know that there are a lot of individuals in need. I know that you will be helping a little girl get home. You will be a part of her life story. There is no pressure. We love you. And thank you. I am one blessed Ninja Mama!http://purecharity.com/palmers-journey-to-jade

Immigration Approval..woot, woot

Well hello, we have received Jade's immigration status approval. The approval is forwarded to the consulate in Guangzhou, China. After they review the information, they will invite us to China. I'm hoping and praying we travel the end of April, beginning of May. Our daughter dances in her spring performance on May 16 and our son graduates on May 17. So, if they don't invite us ( we'll be 2 weeks in China) by the end of April, we will have to wait until after the middle of May. We certainly can't miss our children's important events. I think it would cause some resentment if we missed graduation for sure.  Our son and his wife are flying in from Montana to share in the graduation and to have a Michigan wedding reception. So, having Jade home for them to meet would be wonderful.

I really want to be a realist about this time frame. I just can't seem to be anything but happy about having all my kids home. My main concern is Jade feeling safe and happy. Attachment is a tricky thing. I remember our AJ not sleeping well for a year. I think he was having nightmares, so we set up his little bed in our bedroom for that year. We would wake up and comfort him. He would go back to sleep. AJ also threw some really good fits. I mean throw himself on the floor crying for half an hour fits. Our inability to understand each other was so hard for him. He would get so frustrated. It will be even more difficult to communicate with Jade. She is 5 years old and speaks exclusively her Mandarin dialect. Our family speaks only English. There is one language that we all speak though. It's called love. And, I remember AJ sitting on my lap and staring at me for hours. I wonder if God was speaking through my eyes and my heart how much we wanted him. How much we already loved him. You see, we had chosen him 10 months earlier. We had researched his background, prayed for him, named him, fallen in love with him. He on the other hand, had no idea who we were. So, it was not surprising that he whacked Aron in the face upon meeting him. Aron is a persistent, patient dad. He really worked at loving AJ, spending lots of time with him, playing, coloring, buying him candy. Aron soon became AJ's favorite. I was only a little jealous. I was happy. You should spend some time with our China boy now. I'm not sure how our genes got into that kid's DNA, but man is he ever a Palmer. We are hoping and praying that Jade will grow to love us too. It takes time and trust. She will miss her surroundings. She will miss her care givers. She will miss her friends. Our social worker was talking with me about my feelings of hurt for Jade. She said that the best place for any child to be is in a loving family. So, hang on Sweet Jade, Ninja Mama is coming to get her girl!

The day we met our AJ

Fall 2014, what a ham