Travel Time!!

I'm not the most savvy computer user. My husband calls me a technical nincompoop. He's very funny. As an author of a blog, you can see all kinds of interesting data about it. A blogger can see how many pageviews there have been and on which days, what countries the blog has been read in, what devices the blog is read on. Wow, I was shocked when I started clicking buttons on my "overview" page. This blog has been read almost 1000 times, in 14 different countries, on 4 continents. I hope that my blog encourages faith. I hope that it is an advocate for orphans. I hope to give the reader a real picture of what adoption is. It isn't always easy or fun. But, it's so rewarding and so worthwhile.

Boo (not sure the spelling) is the Mandarin word for "no". When we brought AJ home he liked that word. Of course, he was 2 years old. I think "no" is one of the first words 2 year olds say no matter what language they speak. I was desperate for AJ to love me. I wanted to be the perfect mother. I wanted him to know that he was chosen, named, loved by me. But, I also had to be the mom. I was finding it hard to know when to let him have his way and when to be mom. It's easy to overdo the candy, gift giving, spoiling. I wanted him to love me how I loved him. There were many times when he said, "I boo love you, Mama."  It about tore my heart out. He was learning that if I didn't do exactly what he wanted me to, he could hurt me with those words. The first few times I would cry. But, I decided that if he was going to know and trust me, I had to love him with the possibility he wouldn't love me back. AJ taught me how to love without conditions. He taught me that love is a choice. I started to respond by saying, "That's okay, I love you anyway." In the meantime, Aron would go off to work, come home and be the fun jungle gym parent, while I had the day to day raising of this little person. So, Aron and I decided that he would start doing some of the care giving tasks. AJ hated baths, screamed the whole time. Aron would bathe him. AJ didn't always like our foods. Aron would feed him. AJ was a typical toddler, he wanted his way. Aron increased his involvement with boundaries. After many months, AJ started to know what it was like to have two parents on the same page. He started to understand what family is. He started to love us. I still remember the first time AJ said, "I love you, Mama", the most beautiful words I've ever heard.  I hope to hear them from Jade some day. I know that it will take a long time. We are strangers. It will take many months to develop a relationship with our little girl. We will have to earn her trust. It will be hard for me not to completely smother her when we get to China. Should I hug her, kiss her (not big in China), laugh, cry? I think that once I see her, my response will come naturally. I think that instinct will take over. I envision kneeling down, smiling, crying, pressing my cheek to hers. I hope to pick her up, kiss her head, whisper her name.

Sweet Jade

It is hard to believe that I will be doing just that in 3 weeks.Yes, we have a "due" date. We are leaving the end of the month. God answered my prayers to travel in April. I know we are going to be exhausted. No way around it. Danielle dances the day after we get home. Jake graduates the day after that. Jared and Abigail fly in for graduation. We will be hosting a wedding reception for them the next weekend. I'm so utterly stressed out. I'm so completely happy. I'm going to need all the prayers you can say on my behalf. I'm going to need a massage. Our family is going to be in crazy, happy, stressful, joyful turmoil. Wow, I'm going to be a mom for the fifth time! What is better than that? Thank you, God, for my new daughter!