Forever Young

I'm kind of out of sync with people my age. I'm almost forty five years old. I have adult children and elementary age children. I would love to drop everything and go out with the girls sometime, but there are duties at home that only I can do. It would be great to put on a little black dress (not so little) and head out to dinner with my husband on a whim, but we have to wait until after Jade's care at night. By then, I'm slumping on the sofa and my little black dress is wrinkling. I'm tired. I'm not twenty five any more. The families we know with little ones are young (mostly). I guess what I'm trying to say is that adoption can be a little isolating. It can be a little lonely.

I'm not complaining. I love being a mom. It's the thing I think God has given me the desire to do. He has kept me in this season of raising kids for a reason. I've always spent most of my time with my children. We go to places together, watch movies, play games. Basically, my life revolves around my kids. I know that can be unhealthy. I know that a marriage needs date nights and alone time. It's easier to travel this journey of life with friends and confidants. As the seasons of life change, your friends change with you. The only thing is, I'm in multiple seasons. I'm in the thick of raising kids. I have teens that make me nervous (driving, friendships, choices). I have adult kids who want to be independent (I tend to want to continue to be their mommy). I'm a mother in law... help! I'm a multiseason mess! How do I juggle finger painting, student driving, college tuition, mother in law advice? Learning how to be all of those "moms" is my newest challenge, my newest season.

Our oldest son and his wife were "home" for a visit the beginning of January. Home is what I will always consider our small house by the lake. My daughter in love considers Montana home. I wonder what my son considers "home" now that he's married and settled in Montana. I wonder what my daughter in love thinks of her husband's mom. While they were here, I found it a little challenging to be the mother of a married man. Her husband is my first born, my baby. When I look at him, I see the curly haired baby everyone mistook for a girl. I hear the little man who knew all his shapes by three, including a rhombus. I feel his hand in mine, his lips on my cheek. Now when he kisses me, I feel stubble, weird. I hear him tell his wife he loves her. I see a man in front of me. I must brag a bit, he is a man to be proud of. He loves God and family. He has a full time job with insurance. He's a college student, scheduled to graduate with a Bachelor's degree in Psychology this spring. He's honest and trustworthy. The best kind of man. While I like to think I had a lot to do with who he is today, I know God is really the keeper of my children. He fills in the cracks. He covers the mistakes. He cares more for them than I do. He's their Good Shepherd, their Guide on this walk of life.

I will always love and relish the raising of my kids, even though it's hard. I will miss my babies forever. I will juggle the best I can, and remember that they grow up so fast, that they will fly away, that my mom role will change.  Rod Stewart sang it best, "In my heart, you will remain, forever young."

May the good Lord be with you
Down every road you roam
And may sunshine and happiness
surround you when you're far from home
And may you grow to be proud
Dignified and true
And do unto others
As you'd have done to you
Be courageous and be brave
And in my heart you'll always stay
Forever Young, Forever Young
Forever Young, Forever Young

May good fortune be with you
May your guiding light be strong
Build a stairway to heaven
with a prince or a vagabond

And may you never love in vain
and in my heart you will remain
Forever Young, Forever Young
Forever Young, Forever Young
Forever Young
Forever Young

And when you finally fly away
I'll be hoping that I served you well
For all the wisdom of a lifetime
No one can ever tell
But whatever road you choose
I'm right behind you, win or lose
Forever Young, Forever Young
Forever Young ,Forever Young
Forever Young, Forever Young
For, Forever Young, Forever Young