The Perfect Christmas

I made it through another Christmas. Truly Christmas has become a season, from November to New Year. Christmas isn’t just a day to celebrate the birth of Jesus. It’s over a month long! For a Christian it’s a great thing to celebrate the savior’s birth for an entire month. The only problem for me is I can’t. There is way too much pressure to “celebrate” the right way. Every year I’m determined to celebrate Jesus the very best I can. I am going to be the best mom in the whole world. I am going to make Christmas cookies, sing carols (while playing the piano), share the Christmas story, take Kodak moment quality photos, and generally shine like the star in the sky over Bethlehem.

The Saturday before the children’s Christmas program at church is a dress rehearsal. I thoughtfully adorned my children in red. My college freshman has come home and is handsomely dressed, just like I asked, and sitting in the back row of the sanctuary watching his adored siblings sing. Afterward, the six of us are going to the Christmas tree farm to pick the illustrious 2015 Christmas tree that will stand straight and tall in our family room. Our sweet friend is taking time out of her busy schedule to join us for a photo op. She is going to capture us selecting, cutting and carrying our perfect tree. The children will smile and laugh and join in the general merriment of the season.

 I dressed our children in their Sunday finest for the Christmas program. My littles are going to sing with passion and gusto the songs they have learned about our savior, Jesus. They will smile and wave at me from the stage so everyone knows who those perfect children belong to. I am going to smile from my chair and waggle my fingers in a wave that says, “Yes, those are my darlings. Aren’t they adorable?” After the performance we will head straight to McDonald’s for lunch because my kids have earned it for singing so beautifully.

Sometime during the month of December I am going to find the perfect gifts for my son and daughter in law and mail a beautifully wrapped box to them in Montana. The box is going to arrive on Christmas Eve and be placed under their tree to be opened Christmas morn.  Here at home, the children are going to dress in their red and white PJ’s and sit in front of the Christmas tree patiently while I shower and coif my hair to perfection before opening gifts, the gifts I have purchased over the last month and lovingly wrapped in thick paper and ribbon (my husband is a full-on laundry doing, dish washing, recital attending sweetheart, but gift buying is not his forte). I am ever so happy to do all the shopping. It makes my heart so happy to give gifts to my children. I anticipate the morning they will gently unwrap the beautiful boxes and squeal with delight at their new treasures. My husband is going to have placed small pieces of kindling by the fireplace the night before (next to the cookies for Santa) in order to light a blazing fire in which to sit and sip egg nog. Oh the meal I will prepare while the children are enjoying their new unwrapped toys. It will rival any delectable morsels Martha Stewart could ever dream up. The snow will be gently falling to the voice of Burl Ives’ “White Christmas”. Our family will sit down to a table perfectly set with red and green trimmings and fragrant center piece. After the meal we will enjoy decorating the lightly browned, deliciously soft sugar cookies the children and I have made in advance. The icing will be just the right thickness to gently nest the colored sugar sprinkled on top. Our Montana kids will call and Face Time with us how wonderful their Christmas was and how much they love the gifts we (I) sent.

Later in the evening, we will gather around the fire and sing a few carols, read the story of Jesus’ birth and go to bed happy and worshipful. Ah, a perfect Christmas for all.

 Our Christmas season was very different from the perfect Christmas I envisioned. Our son AJ absolutely hates getting on stage. He is an introvert and does not like the spotlight at all. Even the morning of the Children’s program he begged us to let him sit out. Alas, we made him dress up and sing on stage. Our explanation was that sometimes we have to do hard things. Sometimes, if you’ve practiced singing songs for an entire month with your friends, you have to perform them onstage together. He ended up singing, if ever so quietly. His lips did move. I was so proud of him for doing his best. Jade, however loves to perform. She knew all the words to three songs. She sang so well and so loudly, in tune, that I could hear her from my seat. She sang and did the motions so perfectly, I cried. I couldn’t help it. Jade was singing to Jesus, for Jesus. It was so beautiful. The Littles cried, too, at our photo shoot at the Christmas tree farm. It was too long and I was too bossy (trying to get the perfect photo). The tree did stand tall and straight decorated mostly by Jade. The kids woke up excited to open gifts (and it wasn’t 5 a.m., thank goodness).  They had on their worn, mismatched jammies, except for Jacob. I don’t think there is a Christmas picture of that kid with a shirt on. The kids loved at least one of their gifts and the fire was warm. Our gourmet meal turned out to be chili made by Dad, eaten on the bare kitchen table, lots of napkins. Some of our Christmas cookies were hard enough to play hockey with.  I didn’t get a package out to my Montana kids in time for Christmas. I felt terrible. When we talked with them a month ago, they told us that they couldn’t come for Christmas.  I intended to be the best mother in law ever and get a box of gifts out to them, but with a new daughter and medical appointments and three other kids I simply ran out of time. The good news is that they didn’t get a box out to us before Christmas either. The great news is that my son called to tell me that he was trying to surprise me. He knew I was sad about not having him home for Christmas so decided to spill it that they are coming for the new year. They will be here for ten days! Yippee! They will get their gifts in person! Our other four kids were all home and happy. Jade is stable right now with no appointments until February. We were able to spend Christmas Eve with my mom and dad, siblings and families. It was a very loud and fun day. We ate, played, argued politics, ate and played some more. We love each other.

Some of you probably had a perfect Christmas this year. I’m happy for you. I’m a bit envious of you. I hate you… .just kidding. The thing is, I wanted everything to be perfect.  The harder I try to be perfect the harder it is. As I get older and live through more Christmases, I wonder if there really is such a thing as a perfect Christmas. Maybe there are only perfect moments. Like watching Jade on stage singing her heart out, AJ sawing our tree down at the farm, having it warm enough to play football outside on Christmas Eve (I’m sure Grandpa was sore the next day. He ran into Jake and fell), hearing Danielle squeal over her new gift, listening to the commotion and screeching of nieces and nephews, hugs and kisses, listening to the Christmas story, hearing the kids thank God for sending Jesus. Christmas isn’t about perfection. It’s about faith, family and fun. It’s about love and giving. I think we get caught up in doing, instead of in being…being content, being generous, being thankful, being worshipful, being trustworthy, being honest, being respectful, being kind. Doing things will not make a perfect Christmas. Being in the moment and living for others will make the true meaning of Christmas shine like the star over Bethlehem. The true meaning is Jesus and why he came. To make imperfect people like me his own. I don't make Christmas perfect, Jesus does!

YOLO!

When I started as a nuclear tech almost twenty five years ago, I was trained to use a dark room to develop film. It was awesome. I remember stepping into the miniature revolving door, turning around, spinning the door and voila, pitch blackness. We played many tricks on each other in there. The films were put in the processor a particular way and the cassettes loaded with unexposed film. I bet I could load those cassettes still…hold the cassette open in my left hand, put the notch in the film in the right upper corner with my right hand, slide it into the cassette from the top. Then, wait out by the machine to make sure I captured the images I needed.  I had one shot to get it right. Today most everything is digital, including radiology. If I take an image upside down, I can rotate it on the computer. I can make organs different colors, speed motion studies, slow them down. I can watch a heart beat, blood flow, egg digest.

Technology is pretty cool. It's a great tool used for all sorts of daily life. Technology can also be a great means of miscommunication, poor grammar and laziness.  Today there are all sorts of words and phrases that didn’t exist even a couple of years ago. For example:  bae,  cray cray, totes adorbs, yaasss, YOLO.  I’ve heard all these “words” out of my teenager’s mouth. And, I’m guessing they are outdated already. What in the world is “bae”?   I Googled it…what in the world is “Googled”?  Anyway, Google says that “bae” means a significant other. My husband has never called me “bae”, thank the heavens.  I actually kind of like cray cray. I wonder why?  One of the acronyms I don’t care much for is “YOLO”. I saw it on a shirt and had to ask my teen what it meant. “YOLO” means “You Only Live Once”.  At first I kind of thought that YOLO was catchy. I’m all for reaching for the stars, setting goals, accomplishing more, living the dream.  But, as I thought about it, and heard it used, I think  it can be used as an excuse to do foolish things, make poor choices, take chances that are harmful or dangerous. Although, if someone asked me to drop everything and fly to Tahiti for a week, I’d have to say, “Let me grab my passport, YOLO!”

Jade had some imaging done to determine more about her condition. Almost every person with Spina Bifida has a tethered spinal cord. Jade is no exception. A healthy spinal cord usually terminates (ends) in the lower lumbar region. Jade’s cord extends all the way down to her sacrum area. It is

tethered to some fat there. As she grows the cord and associated nerves will stretch.  She could start to have numbness, pain, gate changes, worsening incontinence. As of now, she is stable. She is doing all she’s done since we brought her home. She is amazing. The pediatric neurosurgeon we met is a nice man. He operates on children’s spines and brains. I can’t even imagine. He talked with us about Jade’s spine.  He talked with us about surgery to free nerves from tissue. It is a very risky operation. Lasers cut through nerves as easily as fat or scar tissue. He is not anxious to operate on Jade.  Until Jade has issues, he will leave her back alone.

Dr. Neurosurgeon encouraged us to keep Jade busy. In his experience the children who are involved in activities are the happiest. They want to participate in activities with their peers. He mentioned karate and swimming. He agreed with Jade’s Spina Bifida doctor that if she can do it, let her do it. I think that advice gives a whole new meaning to YOLO. There may come a day when Jade can’t jump, when she can’t dance, can’t walk. There may come a day when Jade has to have surgery on her spinal cord. There may come a day when Jade’s life changes, not for the worse, just different. So, when my sweet daughter in law called about skiing over Christmas break, we talked about who would want to join her.  I think our teenagers, maybe some cousins, aunts and uncles will all want to go skiing. I told her that I would want to stay at a place with a pool because Jade can’t ski. My daughter in law is a truth speaking, warm, intelligent young woman. Her question to me was, “Why not?” I had to stop and think about that. If Jade can ski, then she can ski. YOLO!