"What's Wrong With Her?"

My maternal instincts are almost always on overdrive. I'm like a mother bear when it comes to my children. I am really trying to slow down and not respond to people so vehemently. I wish that I were quicker to listen, slower to speak and even slower to become angry.  After certain "ninja" episodes, I tell myself that others say what they want to.Why can't I say what I'm thinking? When it comes to my kids, and even what I consider injustices in the world, I can't shut up. I don't think I'm one of those people who has an opinion about everything...we all know a few of those. But, if you get on a subject I'm passionate about, watch out! You may come away with a bloody stump.

When I see or meet people who are physically different, I'm curious. I've worked in a hospital over twenty years and the human body is interesting. We are so beautifully created. I can't even fathom how every cell must divide perfectly in the womb to make a "normal" baby. When people have a difference physically I wonder what changed in the womb to make them the way they are. It's fascinating to contemplate. Sometimes it's hard not to stare. In all honesty, it's not with disdain or pity I stare, but a genuine curiosity about how their body works. I wonder if that's the case with society in general. We are so concerned about being beautiful. We are so tied up in being happy and comfortable and pretty. I think sometimes we unknowingly project onto people that they are less than normal, that they are weird or unlovely. Sometimes it is with unkindness that people look at others with disgust. Sometimes it is blatant. I can't figure out why we do that. Every one of us is flawed. I for one, have so many special needs on the inside, that if they were displayed on the outside, I would be scarred and deformed. I wonder why we determine the outside is more important than the inside.

In the rural county I live in, our family is different. Our two youngest are from Asia and they both have physical special needs. Once you have a child with special needs, you realize how unspecialized the world is.Going to the grocery store can be a challenge. Jade wears diapers due to her Spina Bifida. I get stared at while changing her diaper. She is almost six years old. Shouldn't she be potty trained? No one has asked me that, but they are curious. I don't feel I need to explain anything. I just smile. It's important for my kids to know that they can be anything they want to be. That their needs don't make them who they are. They are precious, smart, capable people. Jade is going to have to be especially resourceful. I don't want her to grow up thinking that she has to explain her body. I don't want her to think she is so different that she is excluded from life. She will need to be flexible but tough, forgiving and confident, comfortable in her skin, stand up tall and smile.

A question I have heard more than once from friends and strangers is, "What is wrong with her?" I absolutely want to go ninja and ask "What is wrong with YOU?" Why would anyone ask that question? It tears my heart out that even the most innocent curiosity could be so hurtful. Thank God Jade doesn't understand English fluently yet. I would hate for her to hear such a horrible thing. I hope to teach her how to graciously and confidently answer that question. One she will be asked her entire life. There is nothing wrong with Jade.She is simply different. She is fearfully and wonderfully made. I don't know why she was made the way she is. I will have to ask God that some day. But, I know that Jade and our whole family will have many opportunities to shine. We will share many conversations about differences. We will have the privilege to share love and hope with others.  Jade can either be angry about her differences and difficulties, or she can use them to point others to a loving Creator. She can be an educator, an advocate, or be angry and defeated. We hope to give her wings, trusting that God will keep her soaring. She is going to fly high....so, so high.