Ready or Not...Here We Come!

We are at the airport and ready to fly! Originally we were seated in the 3 middle seats in the middle section of 6. Aron is such a great traveler. He walked up to the desk and asked the nice clerk if we could change seats. Now, one of us is in an aisle seat. It will be so much easier to get in and out of our seats if we don't have to climb over people. Yay!

Danielle is very excited! She notices everything, and the airport is a great place to people watch. There are all types of people aren't there?...small ones, big ones, suited ones, pajama ones, stuck in the 80's ones, smiley ones, grumpy ones, demanding ones, hippy ones. It's amazing to me that we can go literally around the world in less than 24 hours. Tomorrow morning when you get to work we will be landing in Beijing. Our world is small, and shrinking all the time.  I think that we have a lot to learn about others, a lot to learn from others. I really can't wait to experience China again. It is so different from Michigan that it's hard to even put into words all that we will see and do. Danielle's dance class asked her to dance on the Great Wall for them. So, she is going to do just that. She will have the trip of a lifetime.

There are kind people everywhere you go. The streets in Beijing are death defying. There is a moped lane, then 4 lanes (sometimes more), then a moped lane going the other direction. Last time Aron and I were in Beijing we could not get across the street. Aron had decided we should explore some, and before you know it, it got dark. So, there we were, two white people in a sea of teeny tiny Asians. Right next to us were two little ladies. They were arm in arm (customary in China). Aron said, "When those ladies go, we go." So, when they started across, I grabbed the lady next me and screamed all the way to the other side. She laughed and laughed at me. I still remember her scarf covered head and silver hair. She was kind. We were loving the people.

I will try to chronicle our trip. We will be busy with Little One. I want you all to know what China is like. I want you to fall in love with a place very different from home. I will try to blend in...I know, very funny. You've heard the saying, "When in Rome..." In this case..."When in China...." Ready or not, here we come!

Travel Time!!

I'm not the most savvy computer user. My husband calls me a technical nincompoop. He's very funny. As an author of a blog, you can see all kinds of interesting data about it. A blogger can see how many pageviews there have been and on which days, what countries the blog has been read in, what devices the blog is read on. Wow, I was shocked when I started clicking buttons on my "overview" page. This blog has been read almost 1000 times, in 14 different countries, on 4 continents. I hope that my blog encourages faith. I hope that it is an advocate for orphans. I hope to give the reader a real picture of what adoption is. It isn't always easy or fun. But, it's so rewarding and so worthwhile.

Boo (not sure the spelling) is the Mandarin word for "no". When we brought AJ home he liked that word. Of course, he was 2 years old. I think "no" is one of the first words 2 year olds say no matter what language they speak. I was desperate for AJ to love me. I wanted to be the perfect mother. I wanted him to know that he was chosen, named, loved by me. But, I also had to be the mom. I was finding it hard to know when to let him have his way and when to be mom. It's easy to overdo the candy, gift giving, spoiling. I wanted him to love me how I loved him. There were many times when he said, "I boo love you, Mama."  It about tore my heart out. He was learning that if I didn't do exactly what he wanted me to, he could hurt me with those words. The first few times I would cry. But, I decided that if he was going to know and trust me, I had to love him with the possibility he wouldn't love me back. AJ taught me how to love without conditions. He taught me that love is a choice. I started to respond by saying, "That's okay, I love you anyway." In the meantime, Aron would go off to work, come home and be the fun jungle gym parent, while I had the day to day raising of this little person. So, Aron and I decided that he would start doing some of the care giving tasks. AJ hated baths, screamed the whole time. Aron would bathe him. AJ didn't always like our foods. Aron would feed him. AJ was a typical toddler, he wanted his way. Aron increased his involvement with boundaries. After many months, AJ started to know what it was like to have two parents on the same page. He started to understand what family is. He started to love us. I still remember the first time AJ said, "I love you, Mama", the most beautiful words I've ever heard.  I hope to hear them from Jade some day. I know that it will take a long time. We are strangers. It will take many months to develop a relationship with our little girl. We will have to earn her trust. It will be hard for me not to completely smother her when we get to China. Should I hug her, kiss her (not big in China), laugh, cry? I think that once I see her, my response will come naturally. I think that instinct will take over. I envision kneeling down, smiling, crying, pressing my cheek to hers. I hope to pick her up, kiss her head, whisper her name.

Sweet Jade

It is hard to believe that I will be doing just that in 3 weeks.Yes, we have a "due" date. We are leaving the end of the month. God answered my prayers to travel in April. I know we are going to be exhausted. No way around it. Danielle dances the day after we get home. Jake graduates the day after that. Jared and Abigail fly in for graduation. We will be hosting a wedding reception for them the next weekend. I'm so utterly stressed out. I'm so completely happy. I'm going to need all the prayers you can say on my behalf. I'm going to need a massage. Our family is going to be in crazy, happy, stressful, joyful turmoil. Wow, I'm going to be a mom for the fifth time! What is better than that? Thank you, God, for my new daughter!

Fears and Faith

I haven't been sleeping at night. My brain runs on overdrive as soon as I shut my eyes. I ruminate on things I said that day, things I didn't say, work I should have done, how I spent my time, how the kids are doing, how can I help them grow and succeed. Lately, I've been bombarded with fears. mostly about Jade. I wonder if she'll like me, if she'll think I'm chubby, if I look old. I wonder, or perhaps worry, if I will be able to interpret her needs, if she'll like our house, if she will eat American food, where she should attend school. When I think about the flight over, I get nervous. My dad is a pilot (retired military chopper pilot and private pilot). He says that we are more likely to get in a car crash than a plane crash. In my logical brain, I know that is true. But, if I think too long about the tragic plane crashes lately, I can feel my heart race. I'm not afraid of flying, I've been in a 4 seater airplane with my dad since I was a little girl. I get spooked thinking about humans and our frailties, about mistakes and illnesses, about flying over the Pacific for hours and hours. Okay, I'm starting to freak myself out. I talk with Aron about it, and I love his solid faith and determination.  Aron believes in his heart that our steps are laid out and that they are placed before us by a God with a divine plan. Aron is good for me.

I've also been hoping that Jade received our package. We sent a photo album, clothes, a disposable camera (to take some pictures of her friends and nannies). We sent a stuffed toy sheep for two reasons, 1) it's the year of the sheep in China, and 2) we have a good shepherd, a God who pursues his lost sheep and brings them home. Jade is loved.

One day, my fears were so oppressive that I cried out to God to take them away. I asked him to please reaffirm to me that he is in control and that he can be trusted. I wonder if telling God what to do is not such a good idea. But, you know what? I think he actually loves reaffirming us. I think he loves to show us how much he cares. I think God smiles when we ask him for help. Doesn't that show him that we believe he can? Do you think that our daily trials, fears and hurts can strengthen our faith? How often do we cry to God when all is well?  I'm learning that God is continually saying "You do what you should do, and I'll do the rest." Is anything too difficult for him?

So, if you are in the middle of a life change, a divine plan, don't give up. Keep the faith. God will show you the path to take. He showed me the day I was scared that he knows what he's doing. He showed me in more ways than one. Money was donated to us by people we've never met. He brought to me a stranger, who cried when she saw Jade's picture ( I like to show her off). She hugged me and said that I was Jade's mama and that I was going to be just fine. How did she know I needed to hear that? He whispered in my heart that love is the greatest of these: faith, hope and love. That love will get me through. It won't always be easy. And, I'm sure I'll have many more sleepless nights. But, the God of the universe is there. He's always there.

We are still hoping for April travel. We did receive our Article 5. Anything can happen, but we are optimistic that we will travel in a few weeks. Please keep us in your prayers, and if you are awake at 3:00 a.m. feel free to call me!